Even I Can't Believe It
by Kayla Oblitre
Summary: This is a Naruto fanfiction that stars my made up characters as main characters. Also, Naruto and his friends don't appear, but a few aquaintences make their faces known. Also, this is about 5 years after the Ninja Exams.
1. Chapter 1

I looked around. All I saw was sand and my sister, Hanako. She was also looking around. It seemed that all she saw was sand. And me.

Then she started complaining. "Brother!" she shouted. "Why are we looking for that weird guy, again?" She was referring to the kid that showered the town, OUR town, in sand. Several people suffocated and only a few survived. How many? SIX. Only SIX. The survivors are me, Hanako, and elderly couple, and my best friends, Shinobu and Kira. Of course, several residents were out on business. Everyone knows that the Village Hidden in Crystal is a busy place. That is, everyone who knows about it.

The Crystal Village is a secret Shinobi city, usually having internal Ninja Exams. Other Ninja don't know about it unless they stumble upon it accidentally or if they are part of another Village's government. Speaking of government, the Kage of the Crystal Village is the Hanakage.

Speaking of the Hanakage, the Eleventh Hanakage died in the attack. Guess who the most able Ninja from the Village to take his place was

ME.

Now the Twelfth Hanakage.

So I'm the one stuck with bringing justice to tge attacker. This person was described as a teenager with black rings around his eyes and a forehead tattoo depicting the Japanese character for "Ai." I didn't see him but everyone else that survived did.

And to top it off, my sister is so smart that she has a short term memory. But she still manages to retain knowledge. And faces. There's a plus. But still, she can't remember that our ruined Village, MY ruined Village, is under about OH twenty plus feet of sand.

"See that pile of sand?" I asked her, pointing back to the ruin.

She looked. Then she replied, "OH YEAH! He killed everything!"

"Of course," I teased. Then something caught my eye. "Prodigious! A Village!" I shouted. Then we ran across the rest of the desert till we got there.


	2. Chapter 2

Actually, the Guards stopped us a good twenty feet from the gate. "Halt!" the big, fat one commanded. We did. In all fear of him sitting on us. We stopped DEAD.

So the… OTHER big, fat one tried to shout at us, too. We saw the continuous threat of being sat on and we also saw his face, which sent us into subconscious fits of laughter. I laughed so hard on the inside that I started hiccoughing on the outside. He was ugly to the point of if we had to choose to look at him or Frankenstein's Creature, we'd pick the Creature. And we also took into consideration the threat the Creature posed.

So anyway, Ugly here wanted out names. "What be… or… is your names?" he questioned. Oh dear, he's dumb, too? I feel as if I talked to him any more I would either catch his misfortune or go into a laughter coma. Is there a such thing as a laughter coma? Oh well.

"My name is…" my sister started. She then threw a flower into the air and shouted, "Hanako Oblitre!" The Guards clapped as if she put on a show.

Then the first one looked at me. "And what's YOUR name?" he demanded. I felt like he was a mall Santa.

I muttered my name. Then Stupid looked at me and emitted a, "What?"

I looked up. "I said," I shouted, "my name is Kayla Oblitre!" My name actually didn't make them laugh. Usually a boy named Kayla does that to people. My shouting, however, really ticked them off. I mean, they were P-O'ed. They came after us. All two tons of them. I could already feel them sitting on me. It made me wonder if it was how those guys in the jungle movies felt when an elephant sat on them. It also made me wonder if it was how it smelled. I mean, I could even TASTE the air around these guys.

It was like school food BEFORE they dip it in the toilet. And everyone knows that makes it taste better.


	3. Chapter 3

As I prepared for my death, I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, something that made me lose fear of being sat on. Remember I said that my sister was a genius? Well, she graduated Academy at age nine. She has some pretty good chakra control. And here she is, making Hand Seals like crazy.

So she burst out a few. Monkey, dog, bird, dragon, to be exact. Then she released the chakra. "Rose and Ivy Jutsu!" she shouted as she touched the ground. The flower that she tossed into the air earlier grew rapidly, releasing vines and thorns. These vines and thorns attacked the Guards and pinned them to the gate.

We walked closer. We could see each and every cut and scrape. It was kinda scary. These guys didn't have one drop of blood on them. Oh, no. These guys bled FAT. Out of the wounds oozed pure lipids and cholesterol. Globs of the pale yellow stuff. I felt like pulling out some bacon and cooking it right in the desert heated grease.

I resisted.

Instead, we just walked through the gate. We proceeded into the city casually, as not to draw attention. Tough luck. We were identified. Kinda.

"HEY!! Vishitorsh!" shouted one girl, about my age, from a bar. She was heavily drunk. I saw sake bottles littering the ground. If I hadn't see them, I would have expected something around 300 proof. "C'mere and sh… sh… take a sheat next to m-me!"

I was reluctant. The I thought more like a true Hanakage. Maybe she would know something. Something more than how to get smashed. Then I saw my sister flirting with someone her age. About 14.

So I sat down next to the drunk girl. "So what's your name?" I asked.

"T-Temari," she said. "T-two beersh, pleash!"


	4. Chapter 4

'Beer?' I thought. How droll. But she got drunk from sake! I needed some of that for myself. 'I need a lot,' I joked. "On second thought," I said, "get me a sake."

"No," Temari said. "No sake till the second date." She smiled. One of those infatuated smiles that says, 'hey, let's go somewhere secret." I had the, "hey, not so fast,' smile.

So our beers arrived. I took a sip. I absolute despise beer, but this had such a magical taste. I took another gulp. It was almost hypnotic. Really close to hypnotic.

And then I woke up in a small room. I guess the beer was just that good. I felt around. I still had my clothes on. GOOD. I checked the clock. 11:14 am. Oh. I was only out for about two minutes. So where was Temari?

And then she walked in. "Ah," she said, "sho you found my houshe?" She was still drunk. I guess I agreed to meet her here.

So I decided to get things straight. "Hey, jusht sho you know," I said, "no shex." Wait, what? I'm drunk, too? I only took a gulp.

"Of courshe not," she said. "I shee that you musht not be a heavy drinker." She eyed me. "The Sand Village alcohol took shuch an effect on you." She smiled brightly. Wow, was she pretty. "We make it sho well that the tashte and proof ish more pure but it doeshn't affect your vishion. Jusht your shpeech." She was right. I could see perfectly.

Wow, was she pretty.

"You're kinda cute," she said. "Sho your name'sh Kayla? It'sh a nishe name. Everyone elshe laughed though."

Wow, was she pretty. Then reality hit me. "Oh, yeah." And wait, she liked my name. AND I was cute? Wow.

"Sho let'sh go on a date!" she said cheerily. She kissed me and we we left. I feel so good. And, wow, was she pretty.


	5. Chapter 5

I was too busy admiring Temari to notice anything about where she was taking me. Her body was taking my mind just as far. Wait, forget I said that. It was a REALLY cheesy line. Soon enough, though, we were at this odd club.

We took a step inside. The first thing I saw was this really slinky girl. She was 60. I was scarred. For life. Brrr. Anyway, Temari decided she wanted to dance. "Let'sh go," she said. She grabbed my hand and pulled me out onto the floor. She started "getting funky with it." For lack of better term.

Then the song changed. It was a slow song this time. So Temari decided to get really close. To me. Really, really close. To ME. I felt certain parts of her body press against me. I had to say something. "Hey," I said, "I haven't known you for more than an hour." Temari sighed.

"Love isn't knowing someone for a long time," she said in a quiet voice. "Love is a commitment to stay with someone and care for them." She looked up and smiled.

I was speechless. Then I gathered myself. I looked down and said, "Yeah, I guess you're right." I smiled. "Then I guess I can say I love you." I held her closer.

"You guess?" she asked.

I thought. "I know," I said.

She held me tighter. We danced until the song ended. As the song finished, we kissed gently. What? You think I'm lying?

…

Okay. We made out through the whole song. It was AWESOME. And then it ended.

Then all Hell broke loose. "Brother!" Hanako yelled. She came running through the door. "I followed you but there's these guys!"

A guy in a blue Kage hat walked in. "Lord Kazekage!" Temari gasped.

Then he took off his hat.


End file.
